Wrinkles are the Point

Turkey wattles, sunspots, crepey skin -the new currency in an AI world

This is a great time to be alive

I know, I said that.

In spite of the wars, living in a crumbling democracy where a deranged leader is sending armed guards to harass liberal cities full of tolerant humans that like to read, grow their armpit hair long, and drink expensive cups of coffee.

You know, other than that, We are living in an age where letting it all hang out is about to be meaningful AF.

-So, I’ve got plenty to say, -you might realize that by now.
BUT
I used to share videos of myself talking & sharing so much less.

Unless I had a perfect hair day, or the make up that I feel most comfortable wearing for film, or a unless I’m wearing an outfit I made that I love. I typically haven’t been comfortable sharing myself unpolished, but that’s all changing.

For a really long time in my industry, which is magical beauty teaching and frock designing/creating, -we were selling an illusion.

& sure, -it wasn’t just my industry. It was every industry that had anything to sell at all.

Unachievable perfection has been and still is on the covers of magazines, and online spaces, for as long as we’ve been marketing. When I was growing up in the 80s & 90s we had cheesecloth romance, combined with the aerobic culture of bronze muscles and stunning women with obvious makeup & a can of hairspray in power suits. Then we moved to a softer minimalist era but gorgeous perfect soft flowing locks were achieved with the curling irons or straightening irons, and the tons-of-makeup-to-look-like-there-was-no-makeup was the thing to do.

You can be bold, but first, you must be pretty

One of my heroes growing up was Julia Sugarbaker and I need y’all to know that she will always be the most beautiful both physical character and inner character feminist badass of my heart. She was my leading archetype southern gal mentor you could say. And Julia Sugarbaker sure as shit never wore sweatpants, had a bad hair day, or any cellulite. There was no crepey skin in sight.

In fact when Dixie Carter won the part to play Ms. Sugarbaker, she told her husband that she would do tv, but she needed to have a little work done. Dixie Carter had a facelift. She felt she needed to look -at the time and in our culture- always perfectly polished. Even though she was portraying a mid 50 year-old woman she was supposed to look like she was 30 or 40.

She could be badass, powerful, & worth listening too. She could be an important figure & role model in her society - as long as she was sexy, stunning, poised, wealthy, and a pleasure to look at.

Julia Sugarbaker aka Dixie Carter in all her glory!

So what I’m getting at is I’m starting to really love the silver lining in this AI period of our lives.

AI sucks, but it also frees us, not that it meant to…

Now let me be crystal clear with y’all. I’m not loving the amount of resources it takes for AI to exist, nor the way in which AI steals the work of ALL artists and writers for all recorded history. Is it online? Then AI has it.

These assholes are talent miners, stealing copious amounts of human work so that we can write the perfect résumé, break up letter, illustration, etc. without doing any mental toil ourselves. That part of it can kiss my wide arse.

But the thing that it is unexpectedly freeing us from?

The idea that we should all be perfect, -like AI.

Imperfection, aging? Those three things you’d love to change about yourself?
They are your new passport to authenticity now.

Show us your imperfection

One day I’m sure AI will catch on and will stop making everything look so unearthly unblemished. But for now? When I make a video without a filter and my teeth are yellower than society tells you they should be? Well they are -from the copious amounts of coffee and tea I drink. - In snippets of instagram videos I’m showing you vulnerability & parts I’m insecure about by showing up makeupless, filterless, real - something AI would erase.

The center of my 2 front where there are two prominent white calcified spots. My adult teeth came in that way from insanely high fevers I had as a child when my teeth were forming in my head. AI filters will erase my calcium spots and whiten my teeth.

I have subtle jowls blooming. I have age spots from living. I have an unsymmetrical face & crooked jaw -either a malformation from the forceps that they used incorrectly, or maybe something I was born with -we’re unsure. I had jaw surgery to mitigate joint problems when I was 15, and as I age the crookedness is becoming prominent again.

My lips are not as plump and luscious as they were at 18, hell my lips aren’t as plump as they were last year!

I am not as beautiful as I once was. On the outside.

Aging in my humble priestess opinion is about taking the beauty of the youth that we had on our outsides and alchemizing it into beautiful wisdom inside.

I am more beautiful inside at 44 than I was at 22. I know my inner shortcomings and that I can talk too much. I can meditate and shut up. I can go on a walk in silence. I can be, just be. I couldn’t at 22, and at 33 I was still learning how.

But my tits are saggy. I have worse posture. I have a belly. I look like my dad and my grandma Sapphire from behind. And I know it.

The bandits

I have a mentor who has become a dear friend.

Her name is Sarah Andrews. We have similar philosophies, not just about how we see our students, but in how we see the world.

We want you to come with us for the ride, not for us on a stage. We love collaboration and dropping pretense. We don’t think we are the most brilliant artistic designers in the land, we think we’re all capable of that brilliance.

We send each other voice memos & yesterday Sarah called us “The bandits” of our collective industries.

We both teach beauty, design, and how to live artfully with that muse in you dancing joyously. She teaches interior design & I teach fashion design but the secret sauce is that the style & look is all your own. We aren’t imparting our style to you, you uncover yours.

What we really teach is unabashed courage magic.

In her books she shares what we both deeply believe in. Imperfect, fading, patina? You can’t buy -you can only create through realizing the beautician of age and the power of imperfection.

Buy all her books: Principles of Design or the Poetry of Spaces. Follow her like she’s one of our greats, because she is.

In poetry of spaces she shows us that real is more beautiful than perfect, see above ↑.

I say this to students all the time. Imperfection & mistakes are often the best part of any garment.

(Sarah & I are hatching a plan for me to come teach how to create what you long to wear in Tasmania, yes we are!)

A meaningful, artful life

Listen, I’m always gonna be a designer who likes to fiddle with everything to make it visually joyful. I’ always gonna love beauty: beautiful spaces, clothes, art, and food.

I’m always gonna love beautiful gardens, but what we love & what lights us up? Those things are unique to every person.

There’s no right way. There’s just the courage to create & do it your way. I’m sure many of you will think my 1700s era inspired knickerbocker breeches are odd as hell:

But I love them. They fit me when I’m in my plumper body ↑ and they also have extra button holes to cinch ‘em up when I’m in my smaller form.
I love them either way, and I don’t care that the pleats can kinda look like a diaper. I love the nod to the 1700s era shape.

Photos by Jess Hopkins Photography for my friend and incredible jewelry designer, Alice Scott. (I still need to fetch that butt ring!!! I love it and it’s on point here isn’t it?!?)

Makeup remover

Perfect make up was a theme in the 90s when I was coming up, but what I realized was that I never wanted to go to bed with a lover, and have ‘em wake up next to me with my make up smudged or my face washed & see a look of shock. That tell tell, “Who the hell are you?” look of, huh, I thought you had succulent ruby red lips…

Yeah, sometimes I do. More often I don’t.

I can be stunning with a ton of make up on, I really can. And I can be moderately pretty-average with just a little make up. Want me to show you what I mean?

Photo on left = August 2023 with alllll my face done up and maybe a touch of photo editing by the photographer? Photo on right = an hour ago with eyebrow gel & some tinted sunscreen.

The prettiest girl in Forsyth county, but a bit odd, that one…

I grew up at the baseball field. My baby brother was a baseball prodigy, before an injury took him out in college, so we practically lived there for practices, games, etc. etc. I’ll never forget the day I overheard two old men whisper as I walked by: “There goes the prettiest girl in Forsyth county, but a bit odd, that one…”

Best compliment I’ve ever received, not that I’m pretty, but that there’s something else, something more, something odd.

Something better

I’m no longer the prettiest girl in any county; I’m something better.

AI has made it so that any of us can look like my high school senior photo. Polished, nubile, glowing, with a thick head of hair and full lips, thank god. I hope AI is making our obsession over prettiness & youth obsolete. We can all see ourselves that way, so surface beauty will become so much less a commodity now I think, I hope.

In fact, as AI creates interiors, exteriors, clothes and bodies of unattainable perfection, your imperfection is your realness card.
How relieving, being physically beautiful was never the most gorgeous thing about any person. Like my great aunt used to repeat to me constantly: Pretty is as pretty does. AKA be a beautiful person, not a beautiful asshole.

Sing it with me: Age On

Now that we can set prettiness aside, we can focus on the real shit. Like growing community, joy, gardens that feed the soul, and teach the kids. We can get down to pretty real, pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty amazing, and it’s pretty damn nice.

I sing with a local secular choir, I’ve talked about it before. I don’t have the prettiest voice, but you know who does?
Trick question, I have no idea. There are no try outs, there are 2 requirements: Be on time, leave your critic outside.

We sing in the round, then we walk it around. Then we get back in a circle, standing next to the human who just happened to be there when Yuri calls, “Circle Up!”

After we finish a song, you can almost feel the power of the way a song sung with harmonizing parts creates beautiful connection welling up inside us. We take a pause. We sigh loudly, sometimes Yuri says, “Take it in.”

Take what in? The most beautiful thing we’re here to do.

Find one another. Look at one another. See the imperfect song in one another.

Hold the blessing of one another. Spend our lives growing older with one another. Hold our aging, greying, softening friends close. Smile the smile that only comes with time.

Learn to let go.

Then do it again.